Thursday, June 23, 2011

Supanova 2011

Last month was that time of year again. Where the socially inept and critically unwashed join forces to annoy the shit out of each other at Supanova. Where anime shitheads rub groins with

each other, and the independent comic creators wish we had a proper comic convention to avoid the anime groin rubbing.

I didn't go this year, due to family troubles, but I was fortunate enough to find a nice collection of images on the interweb, so let's credit them first:

My main source was from Spotlight Report .net (link), and a few others were from

I hope they don't have a beef with me using the photos. I do this for fun and don't make money out of it, so don't sue me. I have no money and few pairs of pants.

And thus we begin our journey...

EDIT: Images are a tad small to fit the column, click through for fullsize (common sense ahoy!)

Glomp (verb): To punch one in the back of the neck with full force.

“I AM THE NIGHT”, shame this guy is 5 foot 2.

Since when does Jackie Chan have purple hair?

His biggest riddle is in his pants.

Hipster Poison Ivy. I'd let her pull my weeds.

I don't know who that guy is next to Jackie Chan, but I hate him.

Fred's 5 year stint in prison was the Scooby Gang's biggest mystery to date.

Hex Steph from Good Game (Australian Gaming Programme), say what you will, she's rather gorgeous.

Cosplaying as the latest “children's icon given the goth treatment” character. Why won't Tim Burton read my script about Little Miss Muffet's Tuffet Orgy?

From left to right: Jackie Chan, Yes, No, Yes, No.

Last year's Emma Frost, this year's Babydoll. Next year's high paid escort

I haven't been this attracted to a blue chick since my wife was choking on that chicken bone.

Character: Irrelevant. Boobs: Always Relevant.

Cute supergirl with optional background Top Hat douche and greying stoner.

Wonder Dentistry, Sultry Ivy, and Superderp.

Jackie Chan

Like every other Marvel female, Black Cat is a cosplay option for women looking to have sweaty men stare at them from afar.

Tom Felton Fan Club

The girl on the left looks over some decorative rectal dildos, while the guy in the middle is clearly saying “SMELL THIS”
Bab's giving her endorsement.

Admiral Thunderthighs, Rage Sperm, The Fantastic Turd, and Cardboardio

Yu-Gi-Oh fanclub, entry forms are located in their van.

Captain Samoa and Tom Petty

After fielding questions like "What anime are you from?" and "Can you beat the ogre in level 4 without the shadow amulet?" JR went back to Dallas and shot himself.

The only thing he couldn't Transform into was a man with a job.

Sailor Pork

Jackie Chan

That's the 3rd best “Caged man raped by Gorilla” costume I've ever seen.

Truly authentic Iron Man costume, right down to the alcohol dependency.

Right: Bayonetta, Left: Double 0 Downs

I don't know what Anime they're from, but I'm sure it involved tentacled penises.

Meth addict Harley, and pie faced shit grin Joker

A stormtrooper

BEST stormtrooper

String Bean and Pork Pie, The Shirtless Wonders

“At conventions I play Wolverine! Outside of conventions I'm unemployed.”

Eats whatever a spider won't....

Jackie Chan


Green Power Ranger, before he found jesus and became a kickboxer.

Excellent cosplayers from the latest “KAWII CATGIRL COMEDY ROMANCE ANIME”, every character is interchangeable.

Costume based on the horrid Catwoman movie, you take that off now.. then bounce around.... so we can make a catgirl comedy romance anime...

Right: Hurley from Lost. Left: The Honorable Julia Gillard PM

Tom Felton, 6 months before fading into utter obscurity for the rest of our lives.

We're so Japanese we shit Ramen.

Asuka from Neon Genesis, with what appears to be the slightest hint of penis...

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Capcom, enough already.

Tomb Raider is getting a reboot. A long overdue fresh start to an aging series. It had some good games, some bad games, and a couple of shitty movies. And now it's starting from scratch.

This is a good thing.

A lot of people don't like remakes and reboots. But personally I think they're refreshing. Lara Croft was created in 1996, and reflected the time she came from. Action packed and top heavy, she boobed her way around caves in a decent 3D platformer. But games have come a long way since then, and the big boobed bouncing bimbo we all knew and loved had to be retired.

The new Lara has a more ample frame, with a new face to match, gone are the massive polygon lips that suited Angelina Jolie so well in the movie. The newer Lara is more believable, and looks to be a character we can relate to a bit better.

Another new reboot on the horizon is the entire DC universe. Yet again, another good thing. When Batman was no longer Batman after being Caveman Batman.. yeah... it's time to give Grant Morrison the arse and start fresh. Make Bruce Wayne Batman, and the only Batman. Dust off Booster Gold, give Guy Gardner something to do other than complain. DC both overjoyed and annoyed me with this reboot. The concept is great, but 11 fucking Batman titles? No thanks. Stop stretching your cast thin from the start.

So why capcom in the title of this post you say? Well... I think it's time for another reboot. A full "push the reset button" redo for a series as old as Tomb Raider, but so far in too deep of it's own shit it can't breathe.

Resident Evil.

I've loved Resident Evil ever since it began and scared the utter living shit out of me with I was 13. The story was simple yet great. A coroporation experimenting in biological warfare infects a number of people, turning them into mindless zombies. Add a few mutated animals and abominations and you've got a great start to an awesome series.

Then they just.. kept pushing the limits of absurdity.

As each sequel came out, they introduced new characters, new monsters, new storylines, new twists... and a lot more confusion.

They took the game I loved, and did what the Japanese are great at doing... they had dirty blurred tentacle sex with it.

countless sequels, spin offs, and movies later... the Resident Evil series is the video game equivalent of swiss cheese when it comes to storyline and plot. Resident Evil 4 is a perfect example. You control Leon in some town in Eastern Europe, with a cult of zombie non-zombies and manical midgets attacking you with scythes and cannons from a castle while you try to save the president's daughter and dick around with a Spanish man and an Asian superagent in a dress...

Now don't get me wrong, as a game Resident Evil was fun and entertaining. But as a Resident Evil game, the story drifted so far from the original plot that it took a big old shit on everything before it.

Is it that hard to link the games together with a solid story?

In 2002 Capcom made Resident Evil Remake for the Nintendo Gamecube. It was the original director's cut Resident Evil, with new areas, new puzzles, and a new supplemental storyline. And it was great. But they stopped there. Mind you this was before 4 and 5, the last two games that really gave the arse to the story. So I had no idea that a full blown Remake would be the best course of action, but now that's exactly what I think.

Now I don't mean they should remake all the existing games and alter the story. I think maybe they should cut out some fluff characters. Demote more to a minor role, and stick with a core cast. Jill, Leon, the Redfields, and Wesker. Everyone else needs to be either cut out completely, or made into strong supporting characters, not playable ones.

Who was that tattooed guy in Resident Evil Zero? And what the fuck happened to him after that? I don't know, nor care.

Capcom, reboot the series. Start from scratch, and whatever you did with Jill and the crystal in her tits... just... stop with the shit okay?