Friday, March 12, 2010

Streams of Fury

Once again I find myself at Gosford train station. And ONCE AGAIN there is another incident I have to report to my readers. This time it wasn't a physical altercation between two or more parties, and instead this only involved a single person, with a supporting class of the entire train station.

The other side of the station is the Sydney bound side, so there is always more people there waiting, and since there is usually only the same 5 people on my side I'm always looking at the other people, for curiosity sake, I like to spot funny looking people and relay my sightings to Rhys over at The Plastic Age for funtimes and many lulz. And another reason, which I'll admit, is that the Sydney bound train always has a few attractive girls waiting there, nothing wrong with a bit of eye candy to get me through my 3 hour commute. The downside is most attractive Gosford girls also dress like prostitutes and swear like sailors, but you have to take the good with the bad.

I had just finished my scan of the platform, about half of the people waiting for the train where Parramatta Eels supporters on their way into Sydney to watch the start of the Rugby League season for 2010. There were some skater kids trying to bust out some moves, and a few derros on the far left side, standing in a circle and having several cigarettes.

I was about to find a bench to sit on when I heard a weird noise, it was like a cough only much wetter, and what followed it was a series of yells and lots of people moving.

I walked closer to see what the commotion was about and saw everyone on the other platform walking quickly away from an old man sitting on a bench. he was hunched over coughing, then he sat up, and at that exact time a stream of vomit flew out his mouth and nostrils, like a garden sprinkler in a straight line.

The old man then finished vomiting.

FIVE MINUTES LATER.

I swear to god this old guy just kept vomiting, and vomiting, and vomiting, and vomiting. And not once did he move from his seated position. It was a stream of brown liquid flowing from his face, interrupted by heavy coughing and people asking if he was alright, he didn't respond to them at all, nor did he even acknowledge their existence. He was stuck in his own little world of vomit. It looked like something out of a zombie movie. An infected old man struggling as he died horribly by the virus before he arose once more as one of the living dead. But this wasn't the case.



Station staff tried to get his attention but couldn't get close to him, as every time someone walked near him another stream of vomit would fly out of his mouth, he'd then wipe his mouth and a large stream of saliva and mucus would hang between his lips and his arm, it reminded me of really hot cheese when you eat pizza, how it gets all stringy and sticks to the base.

When he finally finished vomiting, he sat there for a few minutes not bothering to explain it to the people around him, a staff member approached him with a bucket and forcibly moved him with a few pushes of her mop, as she needed to clean the area in front of him, which was a slipping hazard, not to mention it was beginning to smell.

He shuffled off to the next bench and pulled out a cigarette, which he began to smoke like it was his last.

I'm not a smoker, but is the taste of a cigarette really the first thing you want after a vomiting spree?

He was also dressed really poorly but had brand new shoes on. I can't help but assume he didn't pay for them, and maybe held off a cashier at the shoe store, armed with his ability to projectile vomit. I know I'd do what he said if he threatened to puke on me...


Additional!


As I was writing this I overheard the conversation between three teenage boys, the words were barely audible over the wet smacking noises that came from their mouths as they chewed gum of sorts. One of the boys was trying to remember the name of a TV show "The Chasers War on Everything" which used to air on ABC.

B1: Hey you remember that show?

B2: what show?

B1: it was a show with some guys in it, and it was their war against the world

B2: nah don't know it

B1: yeah man they were hitchhikers from Australia

B2: I dunno

B1: and it was on the ABC, the war on the worlds people

B2: nah man shutup I dunno

B1: yeah you do, they did that Obama bin laden (That's right, Obama Bin Laden) thing with the Olympics (G8 Summit actually)

B2: Oh yeah they were on the news, the chasing war

B1: nah man, the War of the Worlds

B2: that was a movie

B1: nah they didn't make a movie, it was 4 guys and they did stuff.

B2: I saw the movie, it had Tom Cruise in it and that chick who was a girl (.. chick who was a girl)

B1: Oh yeah that movie was shit ay.

B2: it was okay but yeah it was shit.

B1: But it's not the movie I mean, in this show they did stuff with John Howard

B2: Stuff with John Howard?

B1: yeah they called him a dickhead all the time.

B2: Hahaha! that show sounds awesome, when's it on?

B1: nah it stopped being on like last year.

B2: oh shit ay, true

B1: yeah, well it was a pretty funny show.

B2: what was it called again?

B1: The war of the worlds

B2: Nah man that was the movie

B1: maybe it had the same name?

B2: oh true, yeah we should see it on youtube.

B1: that's a mad site ay

B2: yeah heaps.

By this point in time I had completely forgotten why they were even talking about The Chaser's War on Everything, and they didn't even bother to remember, as one of them found a pen on the train and decided to play a game of "I'll draw something and you guess what it is". Trouble was they didn't have any paper so they used the back of the seat in front of them until they realised there were newspapers all over the place, and moved on to draw moustaches on the women.

One of their drawing contests went as follows, I listened to this one because one of the boys mentioned Batman, and anything Batman I'm all over. Freaking LOVE Batman.

B1: is it batman?

B2: nah it's not batman

B1: fuck off it's batman

B2: it's not fucking Batman

B1: then it's that robin

B2: nup

B1: can you give me a hint?

B2: it's a video game guy

B1: Batman's got a video game

B2: it's not fucking batman

B1: ay settle I'm just saying

B2: it's a monkey

B1: oh yeah, it's that guy from the game on the wii where you beat up the zelda dude and mario

B2: yeah what's his name

B1: it's like king kong but it's something else

B2: not getting it till you guess it.

B1: ummmm

B2: think of an animal

B1: yeah he's a monkey

B2: nah man another animal, like a horse

B1: .... cow kong.. nah...

B2: haha cow kong you fucking retard

B1: shutup i'm guessing out loud. Donkey Kong

B2: EEERRRRR took your time.



4 comments:

Evan said...

This made me lol

Anonymous said...

me too
very very funny
ally

Rebecca said...

I wasn't too sure what to expect from your blog after reading your tweets, but after living in the US for almost 9 years it was nice to read your very honest take on public transportation in Sydney.

I had a good laugh. Thank you.

Anni said...

Gold! Also, ew.

It wasn't til I had salmonella that I realised projectile vomiting wasn't just invented for The Exorcist.

Also, mad props to those guys who disrupted the olympics with Obama. They were awesome.

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