Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Stripping on a Train isn't normal. On meth it is.

Fuck Ice

Ice, also known as Methamphetamine, is running through the lower rungs of Australia society like diarrhea through a tourist in Mexico. It fucks you up and makes you a total dickwad.

The last 45 minutes of my commute home was brought to you by the letter "I".

A man in his late 20's entered my carriage at Morriset, wearing a beanie, shirt and shorts, and carrying a brown paper bag. Before I could see him I could smell him, and before I could smell him I could hear him.

"fucking Scotland gun no GUN BOOOM BOOM FUCKING boom windshield gonna kill myself on your WINDshield with a GUN FUCKSHIT DOG CUNT"

instantly I took my watch off and put it in my bag with my Nintendo DS, I engaged "danger train" mode and sat forward, prepared for shit to go down.

For a few minutes he walked from carriage to carriage, swearing as he went, then he decided, out of all 8 fucking train carriages, to sit directly in front of me. Facing the other way (thank god).

Then he started singing this.

Including the guitar riffs. And in between verses he started speaking in a Scottish accent.

"fooking coonts DOG SHIT IN A SCHOONER GLASS ya FOOKing mick wank shit fuckfuckFUCKFUCKMUTHER CUNT FUCK SHITTING DOGS wheres A gun you arse KILLMYSELFKILLMYSELF and EXPLODE in the shitARSE FUCK"

Now before I go on, let me say that in the 45 minutes he was on the train he didn't stop talking once, he just kept going and going and going, singing, swearing, crying..

yes crying, in between the singing he started crying and took out a packet of Xanax from his brown paper bag and threw the pills among the carriage.

So then he started swearing that someone was throwing his Xanax around

"GET THAT SHIT AWAY FROM ME I DON'T NEED XANAX, won't touch that shit i need a fucking pill fucking meeeeeth fucks that shit XANAX FUCK, ICE MUTHERFCKERS!!!"

the other 7 people in the carriage have not moved a single muscle since he came in, they haven't even dared turn their heads. I at least had the advantage of being out of his field of vision so I could witness the show.

Then he started undressing.

The man started taking his clothes off in the middle of the train.

He turned to face me and I caught a glimpse of his face, the guy must have been in his 20's, but his face looked like he was 50, it was horrible, absolutely horrible.

Off comes the jacket.

off comes the shirt.

off comes the beanie.

Then he puts his hand in his brown paper bag, and retrieves a handful of I don't know what.

He begins to rub his body down with whatever is in his hand.

All while still singing and swearing about dog shit in beer glasses.

This guy was off his face, completely in a world of his own, I'm unsure if he even knew there were other people on the train. This is the closest I've come to a person on a drug trip, and I really really REALLY do not want to witness it again.

I need a drink.


Joss the Boss said...

""danger train" mode " Was a total highlight.. Love today's comic !

Jevsta said...

Did you collect any xanax? Next train ride you wouldn't care if Courtney Love herself sat next to you actually carrying a schooner of dogshit.

Ruroremy said...

I may or may not have developed a phobia for trains because of this post. Good job.