During one of my recent spelunking trips into the depths of the internet, I came across a website for a midwest American costume shop.
Normal costume shops usually stick to stock photos of their merchandise, since they're trying to sell them to you, it makes perfect sense to show you how awesome the costume looks on an attractive person.
This website decided to forgo all that and show you exactly how they look on people as average as the day is long.
Here are some select costumes.
Moronicus, high legionary of basement bargins
Their name: "Arabian Shiek"
My name: "Lesbian Minister"
"Babe Ruth", one size fits several.
The Dork Knight
I used to dream about this bear, every night, I'd wake up screaming.
Masturbating subway pervert
Okay now they're getting on the right track...
... oh wait... never mind.
Oh god here she is again, as a shoeless pimp.
They have 1 black male photo in the entire site. "Pimp 2". He doesn't even qualify as head pimp.
This woman keeps showing up, It's not making me want to purchase their wares..
"Pimping Ho", pants extra. Dignity invalid.
Everyone's favourite costume. "Oversized black rental suit"
Fucking hell, this woman must own the place. "Shoeless pyjama gangster"
"Failed dance recital where your dad said he would come but didn't because he was too busy fucking his secretary"
"El fuego homosexuales"
Captain Pork Stuffing sails the gravy seas.
"Caveman", this costume costs 35 DOLLARS A NIGHT TO RENT
I'd hit it, but only if she put the mask back on.
I would wreck that chick. Pigpen styles.
Looks like the meth junkies broke into the school again.
The best Robin Williams costume I've ever seen.
When I close my eyes, this is the only thing I see.
The costume isn't much, but that rubber puppet is amazing.
"The Calculus Cowboy"
"Old woman looking confused"
GOD DAMMIT SHE JUST WON'T STOP
"Faces of Meth, part 3"
"Princess FiOH MY GOD ITS THAT FUCKING WOMAN AGAIN"
THIS, THIS IS THE TYPE OF PHOTO THEY SHOULD USE!
More of this please.
But no, instead of stock model photographs like a normal costume store, we're stuck with "Gut sucking Genie"
"Misshapen cock indian"
"Man in bath robe" 25 dollars.
You remember that scene in Silence of the Lambs? When Jodie Foster finds polaroids in a jewellry box of the larger woman undressing?
The last thing you see before you die.
HoHO!!! More of this!!!!!
... god dammit...
OH FUCK OFF!!!!!
"Neckless Manga Dwarf"
This costume sure looks great, but when you need to take a shit you'll wish you paid the extra 5 dollars to cover cleaning.
Scary as fuck Daniel Day Lewis rubber mask.
This.... actually isn't bad. I could enjoy a holodeck fantasy or two with this one.
And relive some holodeck nightmares with him..
Big Bird got hooked on painkillers after he forced Oscar into that trash compactor.
Oh I get it, the plug is his penis..... Brilliant.