Wednesday, August 20, 2008

5 stereotypes of gaming

As pretty much the entire world knows, World of Warcraft has been the frontrunner of the MMORPG genre. And those of you who don't know what MMORPG stands for I envy you, you clearly have more free time than me. But I've no problem there.

I find that the people who turn their noses up the most at WoW are ex-addicts and people who think they're suprerior and have never played it, the kind of people who say they're too busy all the time and when you ask them "what's new" they say "not much".

Everything is fun in moderation, WoW is the exact same, I play a fair amount of it because there is nothing on TV and I can chat to my friends over it whenever I want, but I don't go to bed at 4am, the house isn't a mess, and my writing doesn't get done. Yes I do sometimes sit at the PC from when I get home to when I get to bed, but those nights are rare and usually occur after a long day at work when I just don't want to do anything else but something I enjoy.

Plus at $20 a month it's probably the best vaule for money around, alot of people scoff at the concept of a paid subscription to a game and then spend 30 dollars at the movie for 2 hours worth of entertainment on a movie that will probably suck, not to mention the petrol it cost to get there.

I could rant and rave about it more but who cares, the people who like WoW will agree with me and the people who don't like it can shove it.

But enough ranting, here comes the funny!

5 stereotypes of online gamers.
This is taken from my experiences in all online games, not just Warcraft.

- The 12yr old
With the ever growing rate of neglectful parents and desensitisation to violence and sex, you're bound to find more and more 12yr olds playing Call of Duty 4 at 2am on a Tuesday morning than ever before, they're rude, they're horrible at the game they're playing, and they're prone to tantrums.

The 12yr old is typically male with a squeaky voice, more squeaky than your typical 12yr old, they always choose the most flashiest character and weapons, as they have no understanding of strategy and tactics. They will rush head first into danger and then abuse everyone when they die, and it will always be in a high pitched whiney voice.

This creature will ask questions about how to change hotkeys and graphics settings, will dissapear and reappear into the game constantly and sometimes just stand there doing nothing while they're getting yelled at by a parent, they will always ask for help with the most simple task, and then swear at you if you don't agree to assist.

They also like to have the worst names in existence, like xxKilermanxx

- The underranked dictator
This person is hard to pick out straight away, they look like every other player, they don't have anything better than you in terms of rank or gear, and you think they are just a regular player slogging it out just like you. But they're not.

As soon as you're losing a round in CoD, not healing fast enough in WoW or you just moved slightly to the left instead of the right, this person will explode.

The dictator will bark orders at everyone and then blame you all when something goes wrong, he is the perfect player and knows everything about the game, despite being a lower rank than you.

- The superior moron
The moron is the guy with the highest ranking achieveable, with the best gear around. He has the golden AK47, all the achievements in multiplayer, epic gear out the arse, and his mere presence intimidates you.

That is until he plays.

The superior moron will die constantly, forget to heal, teamkill... you name it. And it makes you wonder what kind of person can get all this great stuff whilst being a complete tool at the game.

The only answer is Wing Pu, the asian guy he hired to get all the best stuff.

- The girl

An uncommon sight in most games, the girl never travels in packs and likes to talk about normal things, like music and her interests.

Chat activity increases 400% when a guild or room realises one of the characters is indeed female.

- The Anti-Socialite
This guy should, by all counts, be a normal mature being, but they are racist, sexist, abusive, and unfunny.

usually an early 30's man who lives with his mum, this guy cracks "nigga" and "chink" jokes and likes to talk about disgusting sex acts in an abnormal way to get respect and friends, but he just turns out to be a loser in his 30's who lives with his mum...

This guy is the type of person who found out about September 11 on October 4th, stuck in his own little world masturbating furiously to cartoons of animal people.

Avoid this creature, he is the worst of them all.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Do yourself a favour, Read Watchmen.

The comic book movie industry is booming, and alot of it has to do with nostalgia, a key driving force behind the purchases by anyone aged 16 to 45. People see a trailer for Iron Man and say to themselves "I remember him, he was cool", beause anything slightly good as a child is magnified tenfold when you're older, that is the only reason balding men walk around with Decepticon tshirts and think they're awesome.

So the comic book movies have been on the steady increase, but they're nothing from the norm, it's all Batman Superman Spiderman and friends, comic characters that were toys and cartoon shows back in the day, the fans of these movies like to be a part of this because not only can they stick with their crowd of meat headed yahoos, but they can relate to the comic book crowd even if they haven't read a single issue of Detective Comics or The Amazing Spiderman.

Well, at least they THINK they fit in.

You see, it's really easy to point out a comic MOVIE fan over a comic BOOK fan, the comic movie fan is the type of person who won't think to mention Green Goblin's outfit in the first Spiderman movie, because it's new to them and they only assume that's what he looked like back in the 70's.

I have long yearned for a champion of the comic book to movie crossover genre to seperate the wannabes with the diehards. There have been a few that rose to the call but they were quickly diminished on the grounds that there are no superheroes and nobody classes them as comic book movies. Examples include From Hell, Road to Perdition, and Sin City, which was nearly the beacon of light for me... but it wasn't to be.

But now, now! Now there is my ray of hope, the one thing I can use to stick it to all the morons who say they read comics, to prove that they are just posers.


Watchmen has everything I need, costumed heroes based on a comic, and people can not deny that, because in their fickle heads only caped crusaders exist initially in the pages held by a sweaty boy.

And people have lost their minds.

I was watching a behind the scenes movie regarding the consturction of "Archie", Nite Owl's flying invention, and the comments were riddled with confused people, people who have previously left long critiquing reviews of comic book movies and demanded respect for them.

Now the high ground they built for themselves has toppled into garbage, they're nothing but trendy hipster posers who try to like the transformation of Harvey Dent to Two-Face but don't realise it happened differently...

Here are some comments

"This would make a LOT more sense if I had read (seen?) The Watchman.

Or heard of it."

"im so confused right now, ive never even heard of the watchman"

"I've heard of it before the trailer and all, but never knew any details about it except that it's supposed to be DA BEST GRAPHIC NOVEL EVERRRRRRRRR"

These people are losing face without knowing it in front of the diehard fans, the people who have read Preacher, Sandman, 8 ball, Milk and Cheese, and even Maus. The comics and graphic novels that forged the foundation it stands upon today, the unsung heroes of the unwashed and unshaven, Grrl Scouts, American Splendor... comics are more than Batman and Robin.

The worst people of these "comic buffs" who have never even HEARD of Watchmen and the idiots who say the following

"Nite Owl is a ripoff of Batman"

"Why is that guy overweight? he can't be a superhero"

"Bullshit trailer, only one guy shows his powers"

"Why is that man naked and blue?"

"LOLS Robert Downy Jnr is in this with a flamethrower"

One surprising thing to come from all this is Milhouse on the Simpsons, I was great to see some comedy gold sneak in to the new watered down episodes, they showed a great knowledge of Alan Moore and his current state of anger towards several companies with this small bit alone:

"Who's your favourite Watchmen baby?!?"

Do yourself a favour and read the book, before you make a stupid comment and become another addition to my ever growing list of morons to ignore.

Watchmen is unlike anything you've ever read or seen before, I'm betting parents will take their children into this movie, and I'm hoping Zack Snyder leaves in the bit with the child eating dogs.