Monday, July 25, 2011

Newcastle Markets, a tour through modern trash

In the decaying ruins of West Newcastle lies a 4 storey building named generically "The Store", when it was first opened it served as a hub for markets, with a large grocery area at the bottom with food courts and.. tobacconists... It was the perfect place for the lower rungs of society to mingle and swap wares.

Then it shut down for about 10 years.

The floors are now open again for markets, and the wife wanted to check it out. I was skeptical, but grabbed my camera and decided to make a blog entry about it.

Remember that old Monty Python Movie "The Meaning of Life?", out of the main movies they made it was the worst. And despite being made in 1983 some software company thought they were on a winner when they decided to make a game out of it:

There were 4 boxes full of them. Even for a dollar I didn't bother grabbing it.

I don't know how many Star Trek books were made, but I counted 20 different titles.

There was even a Star Trek Voyager book there, I couldn't think of anything worse.

These books were on the "Girls 7-10" table.

I think the boy on this cover is meant to be an angry teen. But the windmill and Rick Astley haircut doesn't help his macho image.

The "Everything 1 dollar" area. Nothing but absolute shit.

Quality Merchandise
With a large variety of children's DVDs!
And utterly confusing products.
The entire place looked like a shanty town. In that blue tent was "authentic shiatzu massage", I glanced inside, and it was this fat asian man leaning on people.
Cherry Glow Lipstick Twilight.
EVERY market EVER has a fucking framed Indian poster.
This authentic framed Kiss poster will look great in any room in your house.
Again, EVERY market. There's a series of framed "semi naked medieval woman" drawing.
Explain to your family why you're single with our brilliant Shawn Michaels collage poster.
This poster got The Godfather and Scarface muddled up
Like white sweaty irishmen? Well WE HAVE THE POSTER FOR YOU!
"Scared as fuck" dog, 5 dollars
I used to live with a Sri Lankan girl in Newcastle, everything she owned look like this. Now I know where she shopped.
"Hello".. This carefully written note was placed above a statue of death holding an ashtray.
At the back of the fruit shop, the ruins of a lost dream. The markets only took up 40% of the building. Someone had an idea of a large sprawling bartertown.

This Asian man aggressively took 40 dollars worth of tomatoes. He filled GARBAGE BAGS with them. I grabbed 6 tomatoes and he gave me the stare of death.
Best part of the markets was right here, any spice you could think of, cheap as shit.
Weird ass teas too.
At least the markets knew what demographic would show up. Wrestling appeals to the lowest common denominator. And there were wrestling toys everywhere.
Zombie Pirates of the Caribbean? I get Orlando looks like that when he's banging Miranda Kerr.. I know I would

A perfect gift for the man with everything: ARTHRITIS

"Display only", these inflatable castles were right at the back of the building in a poorly lit area. I could have sworn I heard a van engine running....

Goth dolls for the modern child.

Dr Derp


And finally, we came across a sticker stall, the man was creating a new one as we talked to the salewoman. It didn't come out properly, but in large fancy letters on that monitor are the words "CUNT BITCH"

You stay classy Newcastle!


Joss the Boss said...

a lot of those 90's books & girl talk books.. I had those haha Stage Fright Im sure Ive read too.

Miss K said...

This is not related to your blog. I didn't admire the pictures, they seem to be more inclined to be enjoyed by the men folk. Aside from that I am at work and I have to at least look like I'm very very busy!
My comment is related to Twitter. I've recently rejoined and I CAN'T FIND YOU!!!!

Tom said...

The "best of boob" article is probably the most male-friendly post I've made to date.

The rest isn't as "bad", though being a male I blog from a male perspective. If I wanted to appeal to everyone I'd post generic non-offensive knock knock jokes.

I'm no longer on twitter. It was too distracting. I want to focus on my blog (posting all manner of boob and non-boob material), as well as my writing and games design.

Don't let the most recent post fool you, the rest of my blog is offensive to everyone, not just women.

Miss K said...

When I said i didn't admire the pictures I am thinking it was misunderstood.
I meant I was at work and couldn't really take the time to look. Not that I didn't like them. In fact, when I did look I did admire them very much.
It's a shame you're not on Twitter. I miss your wit. How will I find someone as funny as you in Twitterland?!?! I guess that means I will have to visit your blog more often.
Cheers :)

Tom said...

You mean I posted pictures of men on my blog for nothing?!

FOR NOTHING!?!?!!?!?

I'm appalled and amused.

With twitter gone, my blog will get more updates that's for sure. Twitter was good in small doses, but it felt too limited.